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Topic: Mary and Betty

Posts 1 - 14 / 14

Last Reply: Sep 29, 2010 3:11 PM

Jean Louise

Joined: May, 2008

Location: rural lovely green Indiana

Occupation: owner of 3 borzois and book lover

Jun 28, 2008, 6:32 AM

4186

I just re-read Mary Bard's book "The Doctor Wears Three Faces". I was disappointed. But I was expecting Betty's style and humor, on it's own merits, the book is good. I had to "analyze" my disappointment since Betty's books are where I turn when I need comfort from the world today! I was hoping for another comforter.

I came up with this: reading Betty is as if (I try not to use the word "like")one is sitting around her kitchen table with close trusted pals or family members. A few might be smoking, let 'em. A few might cuss, oh well. We say what we think, which we cannot say in the general scheme of things, to other family members, co-workers, the world in general. The world baffles us more and more, scares us sometimes. The stupidity of some people, the things they find entertaining (what would Betty say about reality tv shows?)?? Almost all the comments made around the kitchen table are politcally incorrect, not to be cruel or racist, but because we are baffled at a system that seems to protect the criminal more than the victims. But we don't dwell on that. Underlying everything we say, is humor and something resembling irony that we can make sense of things and feel safer and re-charged after our talks. Recall when Betty says about adopting Madge into the Bard family...'we instantly recognized she was "one of us"...so, it must be a group that knows it is different from the mainstream. Having a sense of humor is probably the most important bonding factor along with feeling safe. No one dares to say "you shouldn't say that" If they do, they will be told "Why not? I thought it, it is just a thought. Going no further than this kitchen table." It is always comforting to hear that someone else has had the exact same thoughts in this group.

Now Mary's book has very little humor. It is as if she is an investigative reporter, but an insider who gleans more and does say thought provoking things. I am thinking of a chapter where she sees a dress in the window of a high class dress shop and insists on trying it on and buying it, when the snooty sales ladies do not wish to accomodate her. There is room for alot of hilarity in this incident, but it is more...intimidating than funny. And I think that is one of the main differences between the two sisters, and it is reflected in their writing. Mary has learned how to use power, and can get her way, expects to do so. Betty, being dominated by her older sister as a child, did not develop that skill and had to learn it as an adult...a very painful process which invoke much introspection!

johnftwa48in

Joined: Feb, 2005

Location: Fort Wayne, Indiana

Jun 29, 2008, 9:02 AM	4187
WOW Jean Louise you discribed Betty to a "T."

Jean Louise

Joined: May, 2008

Location: rural lovely green Indiana

Occupation: owner of 3 borzois and book lover

Jun 29, 2008, 5:57 PM

4188

Another thing about Betty that I have thought about. She married young(ish), recall how her family jokingly referred to her as "child bride"? To leave a very large family where things were always popping, and move as a new bride to a lonely place with a taciturn man, older and a drinker...it must have been a miserable adjustment for her emotionally. No way to pick up a phone for reassurance or the outlet of discussing this with her family. Having relocated more than a few times myself, and once or twice thinking the move was a big error, I can tell you there is not a lonelier feeling in the world. Surviving this probably made Betty stronger in some ways, but I am guessing that it also undermined her confidence in her ability to make decisions. I am certainly playing amateur psychologist and injecting some of my own feelings into Betty. Sorry about that!

Jean Louise

Joined: May, 2008

Location: rural lovely green Indiana

Occupation: owner of 3 borzois and book lover

Jun 30, 2008, 6:43 AM

4190

I have a condensed version of "The Plague and I" but I did just return the full version to the library. It was in the basement, an employee had to retrieve it, and it was falling apart. Gosh, I was attempted to..pretend I lost it. Anyway, more insight into Mary here...with my of course, very personal and probably too subjective feelings...
Throughout Betty's books, we read about the dreaded Saddo Title being put upon one. No one can complain or be ill without receiving this appellation. soryy, i love tht word. In "The Plague and I" you can read more about Mary's comments and reactions to Betty's and other patients illnesses. Hmmm, more than once Mary tells a person how many people have their disease and is quite casual about it. almost dismissive. She probably thought she was being helpful, and this may work for some extremely self absorbed saddos. However, to me, this is a shallow way to treat people who are sick. IMO, Mary and others like her, are distressed that someone is so ill, and don't really know how to deal with the horror of it, but they do feel the situation must be diffused of pathos immediately. This reaction is really more for the Mary's of the worlds mental comfort, than sick people. Bless their hearts, they just want to move on to less UNcomfortable topics. This is the depth of their empathy and compassion. They are not cruel, just uncomfortable around things they have absolutely no control over.

Jean Louise

Joined: May, 2008

Location: rural lovely green Indiana

Occupation: owner of 3 borzois and book lover

Jun 30, 2008, 7:03 AM

4191

Well, here I go, replying to my own comments! IN this post, I shall with shaking hands and many apologies, attempt to take a betty approach to folks who try to comfort you when you are ill with all manner of stories and comments about other people who have had your operations or disease. I would not dare to do this unless I had been in a hospital bed recovering from one of my cancer surgeries...and had some things said to me that left me less than comforted! Do remember that Betty did say in a magazine article something like this..."sorry, i can't find any humor in having cancer". Since I survived, this is my attempt, in memory of what Betty may have thought...to perhaps illicit a response from betty along the lines of..."you go girl"etc.

First of all, please don't visit me in the hospital. I am too vain. I want to have some makeup on, at least mascara (sound familiar?), and God knows why, I can't stand that you would be so uncomfortable and sad while looking at me. I am quite okay at the moment, euphoric almost, having some wonderful opiates pumped into my body, and your presence reminds me of the seriousness of my illness. And oh dear, here comes the dreaded Pammie story.

Pammie had my disease, oh yes indeed only much worse. She had 5 surgeries, not 2, and lost...some part of her anatomy or limbs. But Pammie, jumped out of her hospital bed, jerked the tube out of her nose and ran down the hall and saved the life of an old woman who was choking. Having a tube up my nose is the thing I HATE MOST about being in the hospital, and I certainly will fake choking in the hope that Pammie is residing down the hall from me and will come to my rescue post haste.

When Pammie got home from the hospital, she had to face 5 screaming infants under the age of 6, and one unhappy husband who insisted she cook his dinner the first night. Pammie cooked a gourmet meal, bathed all the children and then made 3 cakes for the church bake sale. While undergoing chemotherapy, Pammy was known to jerk the needle out of her port to comfort a fledgling chemo receiver, by taking up her guitar and singing "Domenica, Domenica" to them to keep them from being nauseaus. a word i never can spell.

I am still looking for Pammie. I would like to hire her to help me keep house, scoop dog poop and tend my 2 acres. IN fact, Pammie can steal my identity if I ever have to have another surgery, and go have it for me, and charm the socks off the staff and all visitors.

But the funny thing about the Pammie story tellers is...they are the ones that drift right out of your life when it is known that you are going to live. They do!! When you let them know how well you are, if you meet them on the street, they immediately loose interest and have to go, must rush off in fact. They don't email you anymore. or phone.
What would Betty say??

Nancy

Joined: Jul, 2008

Jul 03, 2008, 7:27 AM	4193
Does anyone know what happened to Kimi? She is so loveable, and I would love to know what she did after leaving the sanitariam. It is my understanding that Betty and Kimi were friends for life. Also, I would like to know what happened to Bob Heskett. I have never been able to find any photos or confirmed information.

johnftwa48in

Joined: Feb, 2005

Location: Fort Wayne, Indiana

Jul 04, 2008, 10:13 AM

4200

Nacny,

Kimi is alive and well and living in the the midwest. She is an author in her own right. In 1953 she wrote a book titled "Niese Daughter." She briefly talks abiut her stay at The Pines with Betty but calls her Chris in the book. Kimi is a clinical psychologist.

Bob died in 1955 from a fatal stab wound to the heart. After his disasterous marriage to Betty, Bob never remarried. There are very few photo's of Bob out there except what his family has and, they guard their privacy very well and I do not blame them. If you look through the past issues of the Egg Crate you will find a past issue (July 2006 I think) dedicated to Bob.

frankalexander

Joined: Nov, 2004

Location: Puget Sound

Occupation: Website Manager

Jul 08, 2008, 9:51 AM	4207
Hi! I just found this thread. It really should have been started under General Discussion. The "housekeeping" thread is just for website information. As time allows I will relocate the thread.

frankalexander

Joined: Nov, 2004

Location: Puget Sound

Occupation: Website Manager

Jul 08, 2008, 9:52 AM	4208
I note that with the registration of "Nancy" we have crossed the 100 user frontier. We at Clark Internet are pleased that you enjoy the site.

Jean Louise

Joined: May, 2008

Location: rural lovely green Indiana

Occupation: owner of 3 borzois and book lover

Jul 08, 2008, 8:13 PM	4209
Frank, I bet if I tried, I would not be able to figure out how I managed to post to the "housekeeping" category of this fun Betty site. Sorry...there's egg on my face over this one. Thank you for hosting the site. It is good clean fun, and I appreciate the opportunity to share my enthusiasm over the works of Betty MacDonald...obviously since I reply to myself. smiling.

Zirondelle

Joined: Jul, 2008

Location: Destin, Florida

Jul 14, 2008, 4:40 PM	4230
I don't think I like Mary. She seems like a bossy know-it-all to me. I read her "Doctor" book and thought it dull. I don't believe it would have been published if not for Betty's fame.

johnftwa48in

Joined: Feb, 2005

Location: Fort Wayne, Indiana

Jul 14, 2008, 9:21 PM	4233
Z. I am with you on that. I have tried numerous times to read Mary's books but can't seem to get in them like i do Betty's

Linda

Joined: Dec, 2007

Location: Aberdeen, Scotland

Jul 30, 2008, 6:53 AM

4284

I would like to say a few things in defence of Mary. From the time when I first read the Betty MacDonald books years ago, I was always fascinated by Mary. She seemed to me to be such a go-ahead, dynamic type of person. I especially loved reading about the various jobs that Mary and Betty both did in 'Anybody Can Do Anything'. I was thrilled when a few years ago I discovered Mary's books. First I read 'The Doctor Wears Three Faces', which I really enjoyed as in insight into how Mary coped with family life after years of being a career girl. Although I felt there was too much medical terminology in the book, it was still a good read. I wish there had been more about the Bard family in it though, as I always seem to want to find out more about their family! Then when I read 'Forty Odd', soon after my own 40th birthday, I was amused to see how much of the observations in the book are still relevant to women of a certain age today! I now re-read Mary's books as often as I read Betty's. I think people in this Forum are being too hard on Mary. Does anyone else agree with me?

johnftwa48in

Joined: Feb, 2005

Location: Fort Wayne, Indiana

Jul 30, 2008, 11:32 AM	4285
I didn't say i didn't like Mary I just said that I didn't care for her books. I love Betty's books and have read them all but, I just don't care for her childrens books (Nancy and Plum being he exception).

Guest

Sep 29, 2010, 3:11 PM

5053

On the topic of Mary vs Betty in regard to their writing styles; no, Mary was not the writer that Betty was, but then, it didn't seem that Mary had that much to write about! For all of her gifts and charm, she seems to have lead a comfortable life; she was a good person and thank God, a caretaker of sorts for Betty. As Betty herself said, she owed Mary all of her writing success; she no doubt would not have put pen to paper were in not for this great sister who believed in her! She was the first and best Betty MacDonald fan. She was Betty's contact with a world beyond herself; Betty's agent; cheerleader, sister forever, and dear friend. But Mary did not have Betty's gift for describing interesting people and situations. I wonder if Mary's books would have been better if she had ended up on a chicken ranch! But then, even as I say that, it is clear that Mary would never have agreed to or tolerated such a life! Mary, I feel, was more like the rest of us!

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